@UrsulaWJ No, mine’s from Cinema Paradiso. Good enough that I might have to buy it, though.
Oh man, why haven’t I seen In Bruges before? It’s like Withnail and I, but with hitmen.
monadoboii oh god oh fuck pic.twitter.com/JmrilYLl3n
DavidTennantPod On this week’s podcast: @Krystenritter talks Jessica Jones, Don’t Trust The B–- In Apartment 23, Breaking Bad and how she still gets crippled by nerves… pic.twitter.com/VVGNOcfUD6
@mistymaria I grew up in Redbridge, where Keith Flint was born; my Nan dotted about all over the place, but she was in Harlow at the time.
@WTF4Law She does not.
“That nice lad from next door helped me take my shopping in. The one from the band.”
“The band, Nan?”
“Yes. I think they’re quite well-known. The Protegé?”
“The *Prodigy*?”
“Oh, yes. That’s them.”
—Me, finding out my Nan lived next door to Keith Flint
@Kavey Ah, yes, but with the whiteboard I can show you that we’re fucked even if we go backwards in time or jump to a parallel universe…
@Kavey Well, to explain—hang on, do you own a seven-dimensional whiteboard?
jemjabella Popular WordPress theme provider pipdig is using customer sites to DDoS competitors & harvesting user data (amongst other things): jemjabella.co.uk/2019/security-…
engadget Apple officially cancels AirPower charging system engadget.com/2019/03/29/app… pic.twitter.com/ZeBJtadlTG
khoi Mankind is not just destroying the earth, we’re doing it in the most ridiculous way possible. nytimes.com/2019/03/29/wor…
@meemalee @waiyeehong @JannerTM I cannot, however, dredge the ones I normally can’t spell up from the depths of my memory, apart from “mien”. I have a list of words to try to remember the spelling of for crosswords, but they’re all weird shit like “shillelagh”, “elegiac” and “Pleaides”, so I don’t feel so bad!
@waiyeehong @JannerTM Also: no actual vowels. Weird fucking word.
@ChuckWendig @robinhobb @nkjemisin @BrandSanderson @KevinHearne Yeah. Robin Hobb can make me well up and sob, and I’m a grumpy 46-year-old.
EmmaKennedy Tell you what BBC, have a debate about whether children aged 5 should be taught any religion.
If you worried about “indoctrination”, start there.
FEWMIN.
bufferingcast ICYMI: We had the absolute pleasure of talking with the brilliant @JamesMarstersOf about the patriarchy, Shakespeare, vampire sexuality, stunt work, nail polish, accents, and so much more. And, yes, dear scoobies… we also played him his jingle 🙃
itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/buf… pic.twitter.com/tyEnCC8lS2
@rbrwr Luckily for my wallet, I only feel the urge about once every five or ten years.
It’s a good job I bought a new guitar last year and got it out of my system for a while.
Comfortably strum: David Gilmour’s Black Strat goes on display theguardian.com/music/2019/mar…
@BarristerSecret @mrjamesob @DBanksy @DomUtton @GerardBattenMEP Sounds like a hardcore case.
w00t! New record for the Times cryptic 😁#cruciverbalist pic.twitter.com/Ilu1o8qI7g
simongerman600 This #map allows you to navigate every city. Hilarious piece of work by the fantastic @instachaaz (make sure you follow him!). pic.twitter.com/VYzhKBDwwq
@atpfm At some point, I’d love an after-show explanation/rant about why standing in line at the DMV for hours is such a beloved part of US culture :D (In the UK, we generally just do it on the web: gov.uk/renew-driving-…)
@Hemmo 1200 pages of BREXIT MEANS BREXIT scrawled in crayon.
@saltwateritch @robmanuel Weaponised Macaroni. #bandname
Remind me, is this account generated by one of @robmanuel’s bots? twitter.com/ctvvancouver/s…
@smogo @DevilXFive LFO, where a man discovers he can control people with sound. I’m not even sure it’s horror, but for some reason my brain is associating it with t’podcast.
I appear to be watching a very strange Swedish film. I can’t remember whether I can blame this one on @DevilXFive or not. pic.twitter.com/K2c7xhJ18i
@tadethompson What I generally do is drink enough whisky that I don’t care I’ve got a cold any more. (Okay, so also ginger, cloves and honey in hot water. But mostly whisky.)
“Bloody kids.” pic.twitter.com/HzCT4YHEOw
@Ihnatko Lightroom tip: in Develop, if you hold down the backslash (\) key it’ll show you the photo as it was before your edits. Y and Opt-Y will open a split view (horizontal/vertical) so you can compare before/after on the same screen.
Ihnatko If you’re disappointed with your photos compared to the shots that other people take and keep blaming yourself or your camera, I’ve got some words of encouragement: the difference between an unedited photo and one that’s had even just 15 minutes of tweaking in an app is HUGE.
EmilyKoch Very sad to hear this. Thoughts are with Andrew’s family. bristolpost.co.uk/news/bristol-n…
@HuffPostUKPol He was just cleaning his incompetence and it went off.
(Or possibly Greys’ Effigy :D @Dru_Marland)
Hotwells Greys #cumberlandpiazza #Bristol pic.twitter.com/f2jTRSE4cr
@Kavey It would not surprise to find that a) it’s manual, and/or b) that they’re *all* always sent out on Wednesday, because that’s when the librarian can scan the books without being pestered by the public! (Cynical yet possible suggestion by @Bingo_Little!)
@Kavey Yes! Unlike the day they sent the “Your reservations are ready to pick up!” email. Sigh.
Wandering home from t’library. pic.twitter.com/g4oJivWZEW
So apparently test-screenings have always been a bit of a git. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Rival… pic.twitter.com/r0gzotamgF
Any relation? pic.twitter.com/VVFLUoXPwM
caitlinmoran Fucking hell - imagine wanting to be Prime Minister, but also thinking it was a hard burn to slag off someone for going to a posh school you consider inferior to your posh school. GROW UP YOU BELL-ENDS. twitter.com/HugoGye/status…
SPOILER ALERT: it won’t. twitter.com/opinionatedgee…
NateSilver538 This is like that scene from Wargames where the computer starts playing out randomly-named strategies dozens at a time and they all fail miserably before realizing that the only winning move is not to play. pic.twitter.com/yVcUf3BeSG
kdimerc A tip for those of us who work at screens all day:
1. Unclench your jaw
2. Twist your torso from side to side
3. Arch backwards til you’re upside down with your hands and feet on the floor
4. Laugh
5. Spider crawl across the room
6. Devour someone whole
7. Haunt the witnesses
@Bingo_Little Current listening: Jagged Little Pill.
MitchBenn Considering all the possible outcomes to the current political impasse, I’ve got to say “military coup” is looking surprisingly attractive
Given how often I’ve turned up at it’s closed doors, there’s clearly part of my brain that will never believe Bristol Central Library is closed on Wednesdays.
Today’s surprise: my attempt to find out whether my slippers were machine-washable by, er, machine-washing them, appears to have been successful.
Gawd, but American Hustle has the best soundtrack.
@Bingo_Little EVIL MATT IS ANGRY. pic.twitter.com/C8N1Ai15Au
@Bingo_Little Does this mean I have to grow an evil goatee?
ales_kot Tony Scott once secretly chased a navy submarine into open waters to get a key shot for Crimson Tide. pic.twitter.com/Lal0iUVfrY
nathanwpyle good morning pic.twitter.com/OqUpNEeJ4w
@ahnlak This was a big box holding everything that begins with “S”, right?
@ahnlak If it’s quicker to drive to Bristol I know where mine is 😂
bitfield LIFEHACK: If you have a scheduled meeting, set your reminder five minutes beforehand, to allow for the following essential activities: pic.twitter.com/PSfiNJLmH4
@moselmensch @GhostfactKillah @hels Incidentally, as a small-handed man I was convinced by Tech Men On Podcasts that I’d get used to it really quick when I finally gave up on my old SE and went bigger. It’s been months and the sheer size of my new phone (XR) still annoys me daily. So don’t give in!
@anildash @hels I have no opinion here, but I do want to steal “Carbon Fiber Beef Jerky Masculine” as a term for that category in the future 😂
DerrenBrown What Uri Geller doesn’t realise is that I staged Brexit in the first place.
njj4 More adventures in self esteem:
Me: has PhD, can juggle complex mathematical concepts with relative ease.
People: You’re really clever, maths is hard.
University expenses system: Please type the correct cost code into this greyed-out box.
Me: hyperventilates, cries.
Hicksdesign “Their report confirms that the cheese exposed to hip hop music displayed a discernibly stronger smell and stronger, fruitier taste…Specifically, longterm exposure to A Tribe Called Quest results in improved flavor”stereogum.com/2036951/a-trib…LF
robmanuel A few years back I decided to start writing bots as I enjoyed the way people would reply and interact with them on Twitter. Anyway, so here’s a thread of some of the ones I’ve made:
@Bingo_Little @_pigeons_ (Lead singer Roy Pilgrim plays electric fiddle.)
@Bingo_Little @_pigeons_ INSTRUMENTS HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THE GUILTY.
After recent conversations with @_pigeons_ and @Bingo_Little, I find myself listening to Jethro Tull and considering popping on the “No Trace of Tracy” episode of Jonathan Creek. #edwindrood
@chubbybannister PS: Need a hand? :D
@danbenjamin You’ve clearly been gotten at by Big Mouse.
@chubbybannister Can’t be an easy job, I suppose. Especially with the cryptic!
@chubbybannister Ah! Never tried the weekend supplement one. Must’ve been a cock-up; it’s fixed in the online version. pic.twitter.com/ZnWGLv2nLT
@chubbybannister Which puzzle?
Very happy to have found @OliveandRosy at @TFSundayMarket this afternoon… #cheese #andmorecheese pic.twitter.com/veXh699fes
t_pk Recruitment agencies have pushed Drupal salaries too far. It’s now cheaper to change stack. Its probably time anyway. I value and prefer to pay for flexibility and resourcefulness over specialisum. Hit me up if you’re looking for an internship. Pls RT
steveohrourke We were just chatting in work and apparently it’s weird that Amy and I don’t sleep on the same side of the bed every night. Some nights I like to sleep by the window, some nights the door. It’s not really that unusual, is it?
neilgibbons “I am addressing all the right issues. But not necessarily in the right order.” twitter.com/jeremycorbyn4p…
ememess <Me, having traveled back in time:> In the future, an important tool in debate and rhetoric will be little pictures of people’s faces.
Socrates: 😂
Me: No, seriously
Socrates: 🙄
Me: On the other hand, you can get pizza delivered
Socrates: 😜
@Peculiar “…as stubbornly shadowy as a forensics lab on a TV show.” 😂👌
Today’s earworm: Della and the Dealer, Hoyt Axton. Dedicated anyone else whose mum listened to Terry Wogan and/or Dave Cash on the radio when they were growing up :D youtube.com/watch?v=EVyzQY…
@unamccormack I’m just typing CHAPTER ONE and I still might.
@BeatrixHellcock Hah. Now I think there are two films I’m undecided about watching :D
@BeatrixHellcock Oooh, how was Rams? Been thinking about buying it for weeks…
@ukscone E: I honestly don’t know but I bet if I had footage of the last ten sandwiches I’d made it’d be consistent.
We’re going to need a bigger dumpster for this fire.
@CuriousUkTelly BBC 1: The Onedin Line. BBC 2: Edge of Darkness. ITV: The Prisoner. Channel 4: Black Books. And I’m too old to have imprinted on Channel 5 ;)
CuriousUkTelly If you could adopt any British TV theme tune as your own personal theme that played whenever you entered a room, what would it be?
@daycoder @fourfoot “Well, this *would* have been a fully-operational battle station if Kevin had done his TPS report on time…”
Ooh. New arrival from @Peculiar… pic.twitter.com/VCUUYLObhX
Putting “expert in multifaffing” on my CV just as soon as I’ve… twitter.com/willsh/status/…
fourfoot I would definitely watch a Star Wars film about all the admin and back office guys on the Death Star.
“Hello. Is that accounts payable? Yes ? Hi I’m Grip Hellapino from Dagobah Helmets…”
@crabjam @dangusset @WeirdBristol @Locallearning @archidave @wendy_tippett You can just about discern the two different colours in daylight. Never seen them from the water at night, though. pic.twitter.com/CQhG4UXMD6
@dangusset @WeirdBristol @Locallearning @archidave @wendy_tippett Cool, aren’t they? :D pic.twitter.com/RuUlnAfse5
@quellist1 @sigridellis @KameronHurley @Channel4News Well, I *might* be all right, but knowing my luck, Jack Worthing and Charles Lamb are going to try fending off the zombies, and then John Wick will write a satirical essay about the failure.
Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine: how we made Sheriff Fatman theguardian.com/music/2019/mar…
@becskr @caitlinmoran Are all the lights an angry puce now?
@CaseyNewton Well, I don’t say we should stop trying, but I’ve started to think of the public in general as a terrorist group that I call “Eternal September”.
Cookie Monster, purely so I could solve the obvious mystery of where he would inevitably find cookies on a desert island. (First thought: PLOT TWIST: It turns out that we actually crashed on Dessert Island.) twitter.com/sesamestreet/s…
@fourfoot My favourite euphemism from Yes, Minister: “shaking hands with the unemployed.”
IT ME. pic.twitter.com/dX5kov56H6
ThinkFunnyUK #comedy #animation Another award for Crouch End creatives Sowerby & Luff! Last night Brian’s film “Aristaeus” won the Spirit of the Festival Award at this year’s London Short Series Festival! Watch the film here: brianluff.com/aristaeus-2018/ pic.twitter.com/e1nwpDxvsE
Attn. @petedrinks :) pic.twitter.com/mMgdZXCLId
I do feel quite the affinity with my January birthstone, it’s true. twitter.com/captain_parsni…
@djelibeybi_meg Ta!
@drewm One more exception: “I’d’ve gotten away with it if it wasn’t for you pesky kids!”
TwoClawsMedia YOU: Oh look, they dyed the river green
ME, AN ARTIST: Oh look, they dyed the river chroma key green
#StPatricksDay pic.twitter.com/PPmquC3VOl
@supermathskid @seeing4d Oddly, I’ve noticed that the people being annoyed usually can’t spell “millennial”.
Oatmeal Spring. pic.twitter.com/XWrm3KqJxC
I wonder if future archaeologists will find a Marie Kondo Layer from this year, similar to the Windows Upgrade Layer of old PCs hypothesised when Vista came out…
JacobSHall Took a SXSW break to hit up my regular used bookstores and made out with a serious haul. I asked the clerk why they had so much amazing stuff in stock and all he said was “Marie Kondo, man.”
“Germination and radiation/let it crawl while the city sleeps…” #fotn pic.twitter.com/QEMw1WbaqB
greg_jenner The Troll-Puddle Martyrs twitter.com/chrisdeerin/st…
Central Intelligence Ambridge? More like Killer Gossip of Borsetshire, amirite? #thearchers
Have a great run, everyone. Looks like good weather for it. twitter.com/bathhalf/statu…
neilhimself Completely bizarre Daily Mail article, possibly written by something not human, like an elk. My favourite line is, “Good Omens is based on a fictional book of the same name.”
4:30 AM, Mar 16th, 2019
via TweetDeck
(retweeted on 9:30 AM, Mar 17th, 2019 via Twitter for iPhone)
PavelASamsonov All enterprise software competes with Excel.
All productivity software competes with emailing things to yourself.
@Mercy_Main_btw_ @robmanuel Yes, good point!
@robmanuel Well done! (The scary moment is when you realise you can pick your own front door lock!)
@Kavey @petedrinks @waiyeehong *Carefully refrains from encouraging the crazy lady*
I’m not saying this cold is affecting my brain, but I’m watching McCoy-era Who and I haven’t noticed any problems with the scripts yet.
@FelicityMorse That reminds me: I must Febreze my soul later.
@PippinDrill Hell yeah. Did that deliberately after finding out that the “porridge drawer” was A Thing once and reading up on them. As a sassenach, mine came out like a sweet sultana flapjack.
mathowie I’m “I don’t understand a single word on this post” years old now twitter.com/tumblr/status/…
Ugh. Have lurgy. *Checks to see if Columbo is on Netflix*
@MrGreenGus @David_on_a_bike Google maps? You can pre-download the whole of Japan as an “offline map” while on WiFi; that should significantly reduce data usage when viewing the maps later.
Finally got around to Mr Robot. Gosh. An astounding adaptation of a non-existent Philip K Dick novel.
Dorianlynskey Nobody does dystopian nihilism quite like a tabloid’s website. twitter.com/MarkDiStef/sta…
@CharlTaylorPage @dangusset I’m not sure we can trust your memory on that one.
tomcoates Okay, this is a genuinely insane article about creating robots to harvest invasive lionfish species for food from reefs. You have to read the damn thing. It gets weirder and weirder: spectrum.ieee.org/automaton/robo…
I bet he’s got a just brilliant idea for an iPhone app that nobody else has thought of, too. twitter.com/scottmann4nc/s…
@RellyAB I tend towards eight plus the Kindle as a backup, with a couple of extra easy reads if there’s flying involved.
maureenjohnson I don’t want context. twitter.com/Matt_Kroschel/…
Somewhere, at Facebook, a developer accidentally pushes code to production. #FacebookDown pic.twitter.com/VuMuMX5j0T
Maybe it’s something about the outfit, but she does rather look like she’s signing death warrants in a dystopian timeline. twitter.com/nickw84/status…
_sashayed “DARling, did you forGET to inVITE your MOTHER????”— me in this extremely normal mother-of-the-bride dress, slamming into my daughter’s wedding mid-Mendelssohn while a lightning storm rages outside. the guests gasp in terror pic.twitter.com/H3uuIVLSOz
WaterstonesTCR I never leave home without:
-the book I’m reading
-another book, for if I finish the first book
-another book, just in case
-my phone, which I will inevitably use for my entire bus journey to read about other books, instead of reading any of the books I have with me
@robmanuel We have always been at war with Eastasia.
Ah, it’s not just my Echo: Spotify itself seems to be down. Activating emergency backup. #alexa #spotifydown pic.twitter.com/wIlprqu3Q0
This would make a terrifying Black Mirror episode, if it weren’t for the disturbing fact that it’s a true story. twitter.com/verge/status/1…
- Got a red light, sir.
- What on?
- Number eight. Warhead alarm.
- Give it a thump with your finger. pic.twitter.com/9y5hacqW1q
Does it, by any chance, require IE6? twitter.com/theloop/status…
IT ME. (Charles Lamb, _The Old and the New Schoolmaster_, _Essays of Elia_, 1823) pic.twitter.com/gqpLDO5qjR
@Noahpinion Or possibly we’ve seen the appplication of our best breakthroughs—Twitter, for example—and have started to feel a teensy bit like Oppenheimer after the Manhattan Project.
@psidnell I imagine that those will be the next thing the government tries to ban. Which may even be the point, I suppose.
Basically my eternal internal battle, personified by @jephjacques questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic…
Presumably this will be acceptable to the public as long as the porn passes have blue covers. twitter.com/charlielyne/st…
@saltwateritch Sending help. pic.twitter.com/79nWtXEnW1
ememess @HenriettaRI @mjohnharrison Have you honestly not watched a single horror movie? BURY THEM AGAIN. NOW.
caveheraa thanks guys for your help pic.twitter.com/6tYNTNA04F
Bristol dawn walk 2/2 pic.twitter.com/gQWgnqCKo7
Bristol dawn walk 1/2 pic.twitter.com/Dswv0S3t5n
Moment (Ilford XP2 Super/Yashica Electro 35) pic.twitter.com/CBNOFeWGSD
Chill (Ilford XP2 Super/Yashica Electro 35) pic.twitter.com/2ZHS9IiK1q
@fourfoot Sport. Game of Thrones. The Smiths. The Office. Michael Jackson. Superhero films.
@thomasvenables @LetMeStart You’re welcome. I SAID, “YOU’RE WELCOME.”
LetMeStart 39: I’m sure my 40s will be fine!
40: See? I’m fine!
41: Still doing fine!
42: [Need various organs removed, 27 new foods cause heartburn, facial tectonic plate movement reveals wrinkles overnight, left knee now predicts rain, can no longer read without glasses, dairy hates you]
@Kavey Hello crazy hat lady. pic.twitter.com/H1wCKTAJUq
RellyAB After yesterday’s glitter bomb project, I sent the Roomba round. It has found a pocket of glitter I missed and has now spread a thin but consistent twinkle around my ground floor 👍🙄😩
laurenduca Sex is cool and all but have you ever tried obsessing over a mediocre person who’s just not that into you
@chubbybannister Just so long as it’s not Inspector Sands…
oliviasolon Hipster whines at tech mag for using his pic to imply hipsters look the same, discovers pic was of an entirely different hipster theregister.co.uk/2019/03/06/hip…
@hoverbird I’m only here for the earnest replies.
hoverbird Brand new AirPods were charging all night but still DEAD in the morning
Remember when Apple meant “It just is working”? Steve Johns rolling in his grave pic.twitter.com/DZ69f0A6kt
04:49. Luckily the talking monkey in the dream that woke me was so polite and charming that I don’t mind so much. 🐒
@matt_fwyalchen As does “about-turn”, so don’t bung it in on the strength of just one crosser!
markmilian Coinbase says it accidentally hired a group of mercenaries, who sold cyberweapons to Saudi Arabia and Sudan, and is now firing them bloomberg.com/news/articles/…
badboychadhoy People who actually unpack their suitcase and use the dresser in their hotel room are at a level of responsibility that I will simply never attain
@hayles Yeah; it’s been a while since I’ve used Apple’s own app. I get the impression they don’t add features very quickly!
@hayles This has been improved for me to some degree by the Voice Boost setting in Overcast, but yes, it’d be nice if all the producers knew how to do it right in the first place!
quellist1 Novel in which a seasoned spec ops soldier retires to live alone with his dog in a cabin in the mountains - and no-one ever comes to force him back into service, ask him a dangerous favour or otherwise disturb his peaceful solitary existence.
@AthanSpod My third-party RAM pack came supplied with Velcro! Clearly an advanced design 😂
AthanSpod My first computer was a second-hand ZX81, with the add-on 16KB RAM pack (which we quickly learned to use blu-tac with to avoid “RAM pack wobble”) for my 10th birthday.
I upgraded to a ZX Spectrum 48K that Xmas. twitter.com/russty_russ/st…
LucyMcJuicy Apparently the correct answer when asked by husband if you would bang Jason Statham is NOT ‘like a ketchup bottle’.
Every day is a school day.
Wall is sad that the shelf is gone. #facesinthings pic.twitter.com/QzF1JaoXbY
5goalthriller Pancake Day tomorrow, after which I’m going to give up spreadsheets for forty days. It’s going to be excellent.
Excellent.
Excel… lent…
No, you shut up.
OpinionatedGeek I have found my spirit animal. twitter.com/purenaturepage…
ahnlak Guests trapped by fallen trees, some on power lines. This was NOT mentioned in the “come live in Wales” brochure.
So, guess I’m not going home tonight! @ Abergavenny, Monmouthshire instagram.com/gothick/p/Bujx…
craiguito “GRAYLING!” pic.twitter.com/7fRz6vNFXk
@CharlieVivante saw this and thought of you. pic.twitter.com/nZsKSQ3Iw3
caitlinmoran YOU’RE TAKING THE HEARTS OUT OF CHILDREN NOW????? twitter.com/Pontifex/statu…
MrGreenGus A moment of squirrel joy before you leave the house this morning.
😀💚 🐿
brightvibes.com/1130/en/photog…
DrJenGunter The most ridiculous on brand thing has happened. It can never be topped.
Paul, who tried correct me about the correct use of vagina and vulva, wrote a long form thesis defending his position.
RobGMacfarlane Word of the day: “hammer-baeten” - of a sky, mottled & dappled with clouds (Scots, esp. Orkney; as if struck with a hammer).
Also “mirlie-backs” & a “mackerel sky” (cf the patterns on a mackerel’s back).
Presages mixed weather:
“A hammer-baeten sky
Is nither weet nor dry.” pic.twitter.com/w86taexgzK
Gawd. Twelve years. I remember when all this were fields. And the fields didn’t have Nazis in them. #MyTwitterAnniversary pic.twitter.com/UNbglGgWg0